Knifing Forking Spooning: Homemade Goldfish Crackers

I stumbled upon this recipe for making goldfish crackers on Smitten Kitchen, and I just had to do it. I love Pepperidge Farm goldfish crackers. I used to get the massive containers from Costco that looked like a milk carton on steroids. My siblings and I would selfishly shovel fistfuls of goldfish into our mouths like greedy squirrels until the entire container was conquered. Then we'd sit around glaring at each other. Love ya, sibs~

I adapted the recipe from Smitten Kitchen because I didn't have any whole wheat flour or a food processor. I also don't have goldfish-shaped mini cookie cutters. But a can of beer and some tape solved that. (Btw, I don't drink beer, and if I did, I would not drink Coors Light. I had to dig through my trash to find this. I hope I've redeemed myself by letting you know I don't drink Coors Light but that I do dig through trash.)

You can get creative. I made a pac-man to chase my goldfish.

Homemade Goldfish Crackers

6 ounces (1 1/2 cups grated) sharp cheddar (Costco Kirkland's Sharp Cheddar)

4 tablespoons (2 ounces or 57 grams) butter

3/4 cup (3 5/8 ounces or 93 grams) all-purpose flour

1/8 teaspoon onion powder

1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon table salt depending on your tastes

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Combine all the ingredients into a bowl. I used a potato masher to cut it up until it resembled coarse meal. You can use a fork or if you're lucky enough to have a food processor, you can use that, and then cover your goldfish in 24K gold leaf. I'm not jealous.

Press the dough together into a ball using plastic bag or some plastic wrap, and place it in the fridge for 45 minutes.

Then comes the fun part. Rolling out the dough and cutting out the goldfish. Cut off the portion of dough you'll be working with, and keep the rest of the dough in the freezer and until you're ready to use it.

I know I said cutting out the "fun part". Well, it's only fun if you have kids, and you can use them as your goldfish factory slaves. This recipe yields a hundred plus goldfish (I wish I had an exact number but I kept eating them as they came out of the oven so I can only estimate from the pictures I took), and it is back-breaking work to cut out hundreds of little goldfish. So if you want to know why my goldfish don't have faces, that's why.